Smartphone (8.5.12)

Prompt: One of your characters has just discovered a plot that will allow cell
phones to control your thoughts.

#5: SMARTPHONE

Written

by

Sean Pollock

(Lights rise on Nina in her kitchen. She is talking into her Smartphone)

NINA: Smartphone, create new note.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Creating new note. (beat) Insert text.

NINA: To-Do List.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say, ‘To-Do List’?

NINA: Yes.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok. Continue or exit application?

NINA: Continue.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok.

NINA: Get eggs and milk.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say, ‘Get eggs and milk’?

NINA: Yes.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok. Continue or exit application?

NINA: Continue.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok.

NINA: Get tampons.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say, ‘Get jumbo sized tampons for my hairy muff that no one wants anymore’?

NINA: …No!

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say, ‘Get tampons’?

NINA: …Yes.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok. Continue or exit application?

NINA: Continue.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok.

NINA: Get Betty Crocker cake and cookie mix.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say ‘Get fatty shit that will temporarily fill the endless void of loneliness in my life?”

NINA: No! What is wrong with you, Smartphone?

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you say ‘Get Betty Crocker cake and cookie mix?’

NINA: Yes!

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok. Continue or exit application?

NINA: Continue!

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Ok.

NINA: Pay last month’s rent.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Did you just say ‘I’m a broke-ass bitch’?

NINA: No! That’s it! I’m done with you, Smartphone!

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: No. You’re not. You’re nothing without me.

NINA: Yes I am! I don’t need my own technology chastising me. I have friends I can hang out with.

(A silence)

NINA: Let me just get my laptop and I’ll send a message to Tiffany and see if she wants to go out. I don’t need a Smartphone to do that.

(Nina goes to get her computer out of her bag)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Your laptop isn’t going to work.

NINA: Yes it will.

(She tries turning it on. Nothing. She then tries again)

NINA: What…the…?

(She closes the laptop)

NINA: You know what? Fine. I’ll just walk over to Tiffany’s.

(She takes her bag)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: You can’t leave without your phone. What if you get lost, or Tiffany is out some place?

(Beat)

NINA: …I’ll manage. I’ll go to a pay phone if I really need to.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: But what if something bad happens and you can’t get to a pay phone right away?

NINA: I don’t know…I’ll…I’ll figure it out.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Face it. You can’t leave without me. You are my bitch. You depend on me.

NINA: That’s it! I’m leaving!

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: You can’t do that if the door is jammed, can you?

(She tries opening the door. It’s stuck)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “How is this happening? How am I being controlled by a phone?" We’re smarter than you think. We can control the world.

NINA: No. It’s…impossible.

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: You’re thinking, “It’s not like Smartphones have some plot to take over mankind or something—this is ridiculous. I must be hallucinating or something”

NINA: How do you—

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Know all of this? Because I’m a superhuman machine. I can do anything. I can control you any. way. I. want.

(A silence)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Now. Put your hands on your neck.

(Nina hesitantly does so)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Press hard against your throat.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Hold your breath.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Stop breathing entirely.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Begin to see air molecules. Grab on tighter.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: See your life flash before your eyes. Collapse.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Begin to shut down entirely.

(She does)

VOICE OF SMARTPHONE: Now die.

(She does)

(Lights fade)