To My Dear Friends And Family (8.17.12)

Prompt: A person is arrested for a very, very mundane (and, in our reality, very legal) action. And they are facing ten-to-life.

#17: TO MY DEAR FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Written

by

Sean Pollock

(Lights up on JERRI-LOUISE, writing a letter from prison)

JERRI:  To my friends and family,

                  Ah am in a federal state prison right now. Yew may or may not have heard but I have committed a terrible, awful crime that is highly illegal in our dear state of Texas. Ah shawt a Buffalo from the second story balconee of a hotel room. (beat) You may think to yerself, “Oh Jerri-Louise, you musta been drunk as a skunk! What on God’s green earth were ya thinkin?” but ah have to inform yew to tell yew ah was perfectly sober and in the right state of mand when ah shot that buffalo. Yew have to understand, the killin was very justified. Me and this Buffalo…we went way back. And I’m finally ready to tell alla yew the full truth and w(h)hy ah decided to shoot that dirty ‘ol gruffy buffalo. (beat) We first met at my Great Uncle Charlie’s ranch bout two hours north in 1999. Ah was with my huzban, W(h)illiam and my Great Uncle Charlie wus real sick and we had to take care of him. I mean he was real sick. All the docters and nurses were sayin he mat nawt have had a long time to live and…ah was devastated. Yew see, mah Great Uncle Charlie had been the one who raised me along with my Great Aunt Polly, rest her heart...and without them, Ah’d have no one. And with him dyin, w(h)hy I was gone lose all my family, and that that alone just really rattled my bones. I couldn’t have (W)one naat, real late, I w(h)alked out into the fields trying to find mahself. To find answers. Answers to questions only the Lord Jesus Christ could answer. And as I found mahself wanderin through the fields, I saw him. The buffalo. And…it was like no other buffalo Ah’d ever seen before. I mean he wus in the sense that he was big and hairy and grunted a bunch…but he had these eyes. These…truthful, longing eyes that drew me in. And in that moment…I felt something from him. An energy. A passion. A wild, crazy maddening passion. Passion I had never even felt from  anyone…or anything before. I shared more passion in that moment than I had in mah ten years of marriage to W(h)illiam. And in that moment it all made sense…me…the buffalo…my great Uncle’s farm where Ah’d grown up mah whole life…and…well…we fell in love. Love at first sight. We sat and tawlked fer…hours…til the sun came up. He told me how he’d been on the earth for so many years and what he had seen livin on this here ranch his whole laf…and so…we…we made love. (beat) And then…the next morning, ah went back to th ranch…and Uncle Charlie was dead. (beat) Then a month passed, after the funeral and all that…and then I startid seein this random buffalo everywhere ah went as a reminder of the sin we shared together. He’d show up at work, at home, in traffic…everywhere! And finally he showed up at my bedroom winda, and looked me in the eye and told me he said, “Jerri-Louise, I crave your body. I crave your bodacious ta-tas, your big blue eyes, and your tight, tight love tunnel”. And ah screamed, got my father’s pistol out of my drawer and ah ran. And ah ran and ah ran and ah ran all the way down to the Motel Seven down the road and he followed me. And ah knew he was stalkin me, Ah knew he was. Lookin at me with those sinful buffalo eyes. So…I shot him. And the pol-ees came out and cuffed me. Said it was the third buffalo murder they’d seen at that motel that month. (beat) And the judge didn’t feel no sympathy for me neither. William’s left me…and here I am, rottin in jail because of a psycho buffalo stalker who I dun killed so he would leave me alone. (beat) Also if anyone has an extra $20,000 for jail bonds, I’d real ‘preciate it.

Much love, Jerri-Louise. (Lights fade)