#2: FURRTOPIA (SCENE 1)

#2: FURRTOPIA (SCENE 1)

An office in an upscale hotel.

After a few beats, HOTEL MANAGER and UNCLE KAGE enter.

HOTEL MANAGER: Thank you for your patience.

UNCLE KAGE: It's no problem.

HOTEL MANAGER: Busy day today. Had a lot of unexpected...uh...

UNCLE KAGE: No, it's/

HOTEL MANAGER: /Pipes, mostly. Plus cleaning. I mean the way the guests leave these rooms sometimes

UNCLE KAGE: I'm sure it's...awful.

HOTEL MANAGER: Oh god. And then they don't tip well, or at all/

UNCLE KAGE: I'm sure.

HOTEL MANAGER: Anyway. That's the nature of the beast, as they call it.

UNCLE KAGE: Right.

HOTEL MANAGER: Ok. Before we get started can you talk to me about what it is you want from us exactly?

UNCLE KAGE: Yes, well, per my last email I'm with FurrTopia.

HOTEL MANAGER: Yeah, can you tell me about that?

UNCLE KAGE: I thought I explained in the email.

HOTEL MANAGER: My assistant just told me to meet with you, to be honest, I don't really have time for back and forth emails between all that I have going on.

UNCLE KAGE: Ok, well, um, FurryConn is a celebration of artists, stand-up comedians and artists who come together for a convention to show their art and be creative...

HOTEL MANAGER: Ok. So does it have anything to do with animals? Because we can't have live animals running around loose or anything

UNCLE KAGE: No I/

HOTEL MANAGER: Unless its for the Guiding Eyes with the service dogs, of course. Is this part of the Guiding Eyes?

UNCLE KAGE: No it's/

HOTEL MANAGER: I got it. It's like a fundraising-vending event for animals, but with animal art, right?

UNCLE KAGE: No. No I'm sorry. It's/

HOTEL MANAGER: Ok well then what is it?

UNCLE KAGE: It's like I said, it's just for artists and creative people that dress up in costumes and sell their art.

HOTEL MANAGER: What kind of costumes? What does this have to do with fur?

UNCLE KAGE: Um, like furry costumes and animal costumes.

HOTEL MANAGER: WAIT A SECOND. Oh my god. I am such a moron. I remember I know what this is!

Wow this almost went right over my head. See I'm a total, total CSI nut.

UNCLE KAGE: Yeah that episode doesn't/

HOTEL MANAGER: (cracking up with laughter) Ooooh! It's so freaky! They were in those costumes having sex and everything! Oh my god that was HORRIFYING. Furries! Furries! That's what they. Oh my god. It makes sense. FurrTopia. Oh my god this is wild!

UNCLE KAGE: Yeah, we're um. This is for the Furry Community. It's really not like that episode. We're not murderers or like, sex freaks.

HOTEL MANAGER: (cackling) Oh my god I can't believe this. I can't wait to tell my daughter about this. (pulls out her phone) Her name is JoJo. We're so close. She would love this. She would seriously, LOVE this. Oh god I love that girl. Can I snapchat you? She taught me how to work snapchat.

UNCLE KAGE: I'd really rather you didn't. Listen clearly there's been some miscommunication/

HOTEL MANAGER: Wait so if you're like, not what was on CSI then why would they do that episode? I
mean everything from that is based in truth!

UNCLE KAGE: (irritated) Like I said, it's just artists and creative people that enjoy dressing up as animals. It's not what you think. I don't personally even know of anyone who even does that. And I'm the, you know, I'm like, the face of it. So it's really not even an issue.

HOTEL MANAGER: Still though--other guests--I mean, people in animal costumes?!
That is going to turn people off. It turns me off, honestly. It's weird. It's super freaky! It's like, gross!
I can't even explain it--

UNCLE KAGE: Ok, thank you for your time. (he begins to leave)

HOTEL MANAGER: Oh my god. Wait. Can I still snapchat you to my daughter?

UNCLE KAGE (enraged): NO! NO YOU MAY NOT FUCKING SNAPCHAT ME!

Silence.

UNCLE KAGE: WE'RE NOT LIKE WHAT EVERYONE KEEPS MAKING US OUT TO BE.
WE'RE PEOPLE. WE'RE JUST CREATIVE PEOPLE. THAT'S IT, OK?
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT "SNAPCHAT" AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, HUH?
(beat) DO YOUR HOMEWORK AND READ YOUR EMAILS! (under his breath) Fucking bitch...!

He storms out.