#6: WHAT I WANT TO SAY BUT CAN’T (SO I’LL WRITE IT IN A PLAY INSTEAD)

WHAT I WANT TO SAY BUT CAN’T (SO I’LL WRITE IT IN A PLAY INSTEAD)

Enter a bunch of numbers. A bare stage but it has a lot of large rugs.

#1: The last time you saw me after spending a lot of time together, you said you wanted a break. That was early July. You said we'd talk soon and gave me a kissy face. I don't know when we'll be friends again. It's eating me up inside but I'm trying to ignore it. I feel like I'm going to have to reach out to you and check in, which makes me feel annoyed. I wish you would just tell me what I did wrong, but at the same time, I'm worried about handling the rejection from you. I can't take it right now. That's mostly why I'm not reaching out.

#2: We make the same kind of work. We like the same kind of things! I've made it obvious that I think you're really cool and I love what you create. I'm jealous of you! But also glad to just know you. I don't understand you and why you're rejecting me. I feel like I came on too strong.

#3: I'm kind of relieved you're going to not be a part of my life anymore. I love you but it's at arms length. You're really sick. I wish you would get help and on medication.

#4: I just don't know how to tell you that I don't want to be close friends and how everyone tells me I shouldn't be friends with you. All my friends don't really like you. It's so awkward! And I like you sometimes, but in small doses.

#5: You're so cute. I wish we could meet up. But at the same time, you seem kinda dumb and flakey. Also you're 22. But you're really hot.

#6: I'm so jealous you have a boyfriend. Even though I lost my boner while we had sex it was because I got nervous. I actually really liked you and I thought you were sexy.

#7: We're never gonna meet for drinks, are we?

#8: Everyone hates working with you. I don't know how else to tell you. But I can't let you go.

#9: We had great, awesome sex and I was so attracted to you. But then you blew me off and said you were seeing someone. I know you're not anymore, but I reached out to you and you didn't have my number and asked "Who's this"? I blocked you on Facebook. But I still think about you all the time.

#10: I JUST WANT TO FUCK YOU ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!! WE DON'T FUCK ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

#11: On one hand, I meant what I said. I think you're an alcoholic who acts like a monster when you're drunk. You're never going to change but I feel bad even though what I said is true. I don't know how to apologize for something that I don't regret saying, but I also wish we could still be friends.

#12, 13: Thanks for everything. Thanks for giving me a chance.

#14: I don't think I can fuck you. You're too young.

#15: I don't know if therapy is working. I feel like my co-pay is too high. I've tried quitting but it was really hard. I need help.

#16: Even if we don't fuck again, I kinda just wanna hang out with you?

#17: You're so creepy and weird and low key have a weird obsession with children but give me money!!!!!!!!

#18: I can't imagine ever being friends with you ever again. I still hate you too much. You wasted my time and my money so much. You rich asshole. I hate you. You're so stupid!!!! And a manbaby!!! The BIGGEST MANBABY!!!

#19: The breakup destroyed me. I want you to be in my life again but I don't know how we could ever just be friends. I liked you a lot. Like, a lot, a lot. Truthfully I haven't been the same since. Sex is weird. Intimacy is weird. I've lost my desire to put myself out there, even though if I wanted to, I wouldn't have time. Even if it was short-lived. I haven't spent that much time with someone since my ex-boyfriend and being totally, totally comfortable.

#20: Even though you traumatized the shit out of me and were undeniably the worst roommate I've ever had, I weirdly wonder where you are a lot. It feels like what I went through with you was like such a nightmare and by never seeng you again, it feels like you never existed. If that makes sense. I guess I just wonder if you're ever going to get better.

#21: Being friends with you after all these years is so hard but I really do love you in spite of it all even though sometimes you annoy the fuck out of me. You're my only anchor to my old life at home. But stop messaging my best friend on Facebook! God, dude.

#22: I'm starting to believe you don't totally hate me and are not actively plotting my downfall. So that's good.

They all lie down on the rugs. They roll themselves into the rug and then offstage.