The Ice Water Challenge (8.8.14)

Inspired by all this fucking videos on Facebook.

#8: THE ICE WATER CHALLENGE 

(The stage is littered with hundreds of buckets of water--and they don't have to be buckets, they can also be salad bowls, regular bowls, pots, pans, trash cans--whatever. Donnie enters)

DONNIE: Hey guys! I'm Donnie, and I have been nominated by Mike to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and also donate to ALS! Challenge accepted bro! And I nominate my girlfriend Emily. Ok, here goes!

(He dumps a bucket of water on his head. He screams. He pours another one on his head. This process repeats. Enter Emily)

EMILY: Hey guys! I'm Emily, and I have been nominated by my boyf Mike to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and also donate to ALS! Thanks Mike. And I nominate my mom, Carol. Ok, here goes!

(She dumps a bucket of water on her head. She screams. She pours another one on her head. This process repeats. Enter Carol)

CAROL: Hey guys! I'm Carol and I have been nominated by my daughter Emily to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and also donate to ALS! Oh gosh, Em what have you done HAHAHAHA. And I nominate my friend Sandy! Ok, here goes!

(She dumps a bucket of water on her head. She screams. She pours another one on her head. This process repeats. Enter Sandy)

SANDY: Hey guys! I'm Sandy and I have been nominated by my gal-pal Car-al to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and also donate to ALS! Oh my the last time I did this was the early 80's wow that takes me back. Oh, and I nominate my great uncle twice removed, Leslie who has no eyes. Ok, here goes!

(She dumps a bucket of water on her head. She screams. She pours another one on her head. This process repeats. Enter Leslie)

LESLIE: Hey guys! I'm Leslie and I have been nominated by great nice twice removed to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and also donate to ALS! Oh my this should be fun. Oh, and I nominate my partner's ex boyfriend's mother's cousin's grandmother, Valentine. Ok, here goes!

(He dumps a bucket of water on his head. He screams. He pours another one on his head. This process repeats. Enter Valentine, hooked up on life support)

VALENTINE: Hey guys! I'm Valentine and I have been nominated by cousin's mom's son's ex boyfriend, Leslie to pour a bucket of ice water on my head and donate to ALS! Water terrifies me so this should be like walking on broken glass. Oh, and I nominate my cat, Fluffy to this challenge. Betchyou won't do it Fluffy!!!! Ok, here goes!

(She dumps a bucket of water on her head. She screams. She pours another one on her head. This process repeats. Enter Fluffy, a cat)

FLUFFY: Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow ALS Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Ok here goes!!

(They dump a bucket of water on their head. They scream. They pour another one on their head. This process repeats. A dog enters and gives the same monologue. Then the dog's owner. Then it just goes on and on through a series of humans and non-humans and maybe even objects until all the buckets are completely used up and the stage is completely filled. 

Enter Brenda at the ALS Headquarters with her boss, China. Brenda is holding a file)

CHINA: So Brenda, that ice water challenge seems to really be…taking off, huh?

BRENDA: Totally. Yeah. My news feed is like, totally flooded with them! Everyone's doing it! It's totally spreading awareness! Everyone totally knows what ALS is now.

CHINA: …Totally…um, so how much money are we raking in?

BRENDA: Let's see. Um. (She checks her file) We have…ten dollars.

CHINA: Ten…hundred…thousand…?

BRENDA: No. Just ten. One. Zero.

CHINA: Oh.

(A silence)

CHINA: But with all the videos--if all of them are donating, then there really should be a lot more.

BRENDA: Well I'm sure it's like, coming in. It just. Maybe takes a little while? To process? Online?

(Another silence)

CHINA: You don't think people would just be posting for like…the sake of making a video and getting likes and shares…and then not donating, right?

(Another silence)

BRENDA: No. I'm sure the money is like totally. Coming in. So.

(Another silence)

Um. I have to go…pick up my dog's…friend…from the airport now…

(She swiftly exits. Blackout)